Офис: Кумовство

The coffee monkey has arrived.

ðə ˈkɔfi ˈməŋki həz əraɪvd.

The coffee was supposed to be here at nine.

ðə ˈkɔfi wɑz səˈpoʊzd tɪ bi hir æt naɪn.

Here you go big Oh. Tiny. Darryl Hanna.

hir ju goʊ bɪg oʊ. ˈtaɪni. ˈdɛrəl ˈhænə.

This says decaf. Did you get me decaf?

ðɪs sɪz ˈdikæf. dɪd ju gɪt mi ˈdikæf?

Oooo yeah. There must have been some sort of mix up there. Do you want to just drink it or should I drive all the way back?

oooo jæ. ðɛr məst hæv bɪn səm sɔrt əv mɪks əp ðɛr. du ju wɔnt tɪ ʤɪst drɪŋk ɪt ər ʃʊd aɪ draɪv ɔl ðə weɪ bæk?

My name is Luke Cooper. I love cinema. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and the Boondog Saints.

maɪ neɪm ɪz luk ˈkupər. aɪ ləv ˈsɪnəmə. maɪ ˈfeɪvərɪt ˈmuviz ər ˈsɪtɪzən keɪn ənd ðə boondog seɪnts.

That kid is the worst. He needs to be fired Michael.

ðət kɪd ɪz ðə wərst. hi nidz tɪ bi faɪərd ˈmaɪkəl.

He's not the worst. Ok. He's not the worst. Mmmm ... it's not cappuccino.

hiz nɑt ðə wərst. ˈoʊˈkeɪ. hiz nɑt ðə wərst. mmmm ɪts nɑt ˌkæˌpuˈʧinoʊ.

He messed yours up too?

hi mɛst jʊrz əp tu?

He's got to go, Mike.

hiz gɑt tɪ goʊ, maɪk.

It's just coffee guys. But yeah, I'll look into it. Ok?

ɪts ʤɪst ˈkɔfi gaɪz. bət jæ, aɪl lʊk ˈɪntu ɪt. ˈoʊˈkeɪ?

Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me.

luk, aɪ wɔnt ju tɪ goʊ tɪ ðə ˈsupərˌmɑrkɪt fər mi.

What for?

wət fər?

To get some ice-cream for everybody. It's national ice-cream afternoon. Great.

tɪ gɪt səm ˈaɪˌskrim fər ˈɛvriˌbɑdi. ɪts ˈnæʃənəl ˈaɪˌskrim ˌæftərˈnun. greɪt.

Don't - Bother - Luke.

doʊnt ˈbɑðər luk.

Why is there a circle with a line through it?

waɪ ɪz ðɛr ə ˈsərkəl wɪθ ə laɪn θru ɪt?

That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?

ðət minz doʊnt. ˈhævənt ju sin ˈgoʊstˌbəstərz, pæm?

Why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it.

waɪ kænt wi ˈbɑðər luk? hi dɪˈzərvz ɪt.

Because I don't want it getting back to Saber that we are yelling at assistants. I think that it would reflect poorly on us.

bɪˈkəz aɪ doʊnt wɔnt ɪt ˈgɪtɪŋ bæk tɪ ˈseɪbər ðət wi ər ˈjɛlɪŋ æt əˈsɪstənts. aɪ θɪŋk ðət ɪt wʊd rɪˈflɛkt ˈpurli ɔn ˈjuˈɛs.

Who is going to tell on us, Gabe?

hu ɪz goʊɪŋ tɪ tɛl ɔn ˈjuˈɛs, geɪb?

No. It won't be Gabe. But actually there is somebody in the office who is very very close to Luke.

noʊ. ɪt woʊnt bi geɪb. bət ˈæˌkʧuəli ðɛr ɪz ˈsəmˌbɑdi ɪn ðə ˈɔfəs hu ɪz ˈvɛri ˈvɛri kloʊz tɪ luk.

Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related.

gaɪz, aɪ θɪŋk ˈmaɪkəl ənd luk ər rɪˈleɪtɪd.

No. No, Toby. He's not. Yes he is. He's my nephew.

noʊ. noʊ, ˈtoʊbi. hiz nɑt. jɛs hi ɪz. hiz maɪ ˈnɛfju.

What?

wət?

Luke is my nephew.

luk ɪz maɪ ˈnɛfju.

Michael. That is nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he is your nephew.

ˈmaɪkəl. ðət ɪz ˈnɛpəˌtɪzəm. luk ɪz ˈgɪtɪŋ ˈspɛʃəl ˈtritmənt bɪˈkəz hi ɪz jʊr ˈnɛfju.

Yes exactly. That's a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.

jɛs ɪgˈzæktli. ðæts ə ˈvɛri nis weɪ əv ˈpʊtɪŋ ɪt, ˈɔskər. ˈmɪksɪŋ ˈfæməli ənd ˈbɪznɪs ɪz ə ˈbjutəfəl θɪŋ.

This is hypothetical. We are talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible.

ðɪs ɪz ˌhaɪpəˈθɛtɪkəl. wi ər ˈtɔkɪŋ əˈbaʊt luk, hu ˈhæpənz tɪ bi ˈtɛrəbəl.

Well then why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who is bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does.

wɛl ðɛn waɪ ˈɑrənt ju ˈbəgɪŋ mi tɪ faɪər ˈɛvriˌbɑdi hu ɪz bæd? ju ʤɪst wɔnt mi tɪ faɪər luk. ðæts rɪˈvərs ˈnɛpəˌtɪzəm. hi ʃʊd nɑt bi ˈpənɪʃt bɪˈkəz hi ɪz rɪˈleɪtɪd tɪ mi ənd bæd æt wət hi dɪz.

If there is nothing wrong with this Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret?

ɪf ðɛr ɪz ˈnəθɪŋ rɔŋ wɪθ ðɪs ˈmaɪkəl, waɪ hæv ju bɪn ˈkipɪŋ ɪt ə ˈsikrɪt?

Because I wanted you come to me and say, “Wow he is so great.” And I was gonna say, “Well it's in the genes.” And I was actually going to be wearing jeans. And I'd point to them. Right? No. Because you ruined it. So thank you very much.

bɪˈkəz aɪ ˈwɔntɪd ju kəm tɪ mi ənd seɪ, ““wow hi ɪz soʊ great.”.” ənd aɪ wɑz ˈgɑnə seɪ, ““well ɪts ɪn ðə genes.”.” ənd aɪ wɑz ˈæˌkʧuəli goʊɪŋ tɪ bi ˈwɛrɪŋ ʤinz. ənd aɪd pɔɪnt tɪ ðɛm. raɪt? noʊ. bɪˈkəz ju ruɪnd ɪt. soʊ θæŋk ju ˈvɛri məʧ.

Here he comes. Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew.

hir hi kəmz. gaɪz, lʊk. aɪ doʊnt wɔnt ju tɪ trit ɪm laɪk ˈɛniˌwən ɛls ɪn ðə ˈɔfəs. aɪ ʤɪst wɔnt ju tɪ trit ɪm laɪk maɪ ˈnɛfju.

Hey. There he is!! There he is!!

heɪ. ðɛr hi ɪz!! ðɛr hi ɪz!!

Wait, soy ice-cream. Did you get real ice-cream?

weɪt, sɔɪ ˈaɪˌskrim. dɪd ju gɪt ril ˈaɪˌskrim?

Or enough for everyone?

ər ɪˈnəf fər ˈɛvriˌwən?

No man. There was no list. But I got bagel chips.

noʊ mæn. ðɛr wɑz noʊ lɪst. bət aɪ gɑt ˈbeɪgəl ʧɪps.

Oh. My favorite part of an ice-cream party – the bagel chips.

oʊ. maɪ ˈfeɪvərɪt pɑrt əv ən ˈaɪˌskrim ˈpɑrti – ðə ˈbeɪgəl ʧɪps.

Luke is going to use is laser pointer to point to accounts setup. You click on that first and then a whole new... No! No! No! Luke. Come on. Come on. Not on Oscar's head! All right Luke. Come on. Stop it.

luk ɪz goʊɪŋ tɪ juz ɪz ˈleɪzər ˈpɔɪntər tɪ pɔɪnt tɪ əˈkaʊnts ˈsɛˌtəp. ju klɪk ɔn ðət fərst ənd ðɛn ə hoʊl nu... noʊ! noʊ! noʊ! luk. kəm ɔn. kəm ɔn. nɑt ɔn ˈɔskərz hɛd! ɔl raɪt luk. kəm ɔn. stɑp ɪt.

What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said!

wət? əm ˈstɑpɪŋ ɪt. ðæts wət ju sɛd!

Give me the pointer. Come on. Luke seriously.

gɪv mi ðə ˈpɔɪntər. kəm ɔn. luk ˈsɪriəsli.

All right, fine! Fine! I'll just go.

ɔl raɪt, faɪn! faɪn! aɪl ʤɪst goʊ.

Ok. Good job. Ok, email accounts. So we are starting with accounts setup.

ˈoʊˈkeɪ. gʊd ʤɑb. ˈoʊˈkeɪ, iˈmeɪl əˈkaʊnts. soʊ wi ər ˈstɑrtɪŋ wɪθ əˈkaʊnts ˈsɛˌtəp.

Oh my god. Is it in my eyeball?

oʊ maɪ gɑd. ɪz ɪt ɪn maɪ ˈaɪˌbɔl?

Yes.

jɛs.

I think he's burning my eye!

aɪ θɪŋk hiz ˈbərnɪŋ maɪ aɪ!

Michael, do something.

ˈmaɪkəl, du ˈsəmθɪŋ.

Sack up man!

sæk əp mæn!

Luke, can I have that? Ok. I'm going to count down from five. Five - four - I'm not kidding - three - two - one. You are going to learn to be more professional Luke. That's what you are going to do Luke.

luk, kən aɪ hæv ðət? ˈoʊˈkeɪ. əm goʊɪŋ tɪ kaʊnt daʊn frəm faɪv. faɪv fɔr əm nɑt ˈkɪdɪŋ θri tu wən. ju ər goʊɪŋ tɪ lərn tɪ bi mɔr prəˈfɛʃənəl luk. ðæts wət ju ər goʊɪŋ tɪ du luk.

What the hell was that?

wət ðə hɛl wɑz ðət?

I had to do that!

aɪ hæd tɪ du ðət!

%@#& this! Screw it!

ðɪs! skru ɪt!

All right. Are we good? You're ok. He's okay.

ɔl raɪt. ər wi gʊd? jʊr ˈoʊˈkeɪ. hiz ˌoʊˈkeɪ.

That was awesome!

ðət wɑz ˈɔsəm!

Texas justice.

ˈtɛksəs ˈʤəstɪs.

Yeah, your nephew is so lame.

jæ, jʊr ˈnɛfju ɪz soʊ leɪm.

He has been trashing us relentlessly on twitter. Now it's funny stuff, but mean!

hi həz bɪn ˈtræʃɪŋ ˈjuˈɛs rɪˈlɛntləsli ɔn tˈwɪtər. naʊ ɪts ˈfəni stəf, bət min!

You follow him on twitter?

ju ˈfɑloʊ ɪm ɔn tˈwɪtər?